Sunday, February 21, 2016

Letter to doubt

Dear Doubt,

Whenever I'm alone or in a vulnerable state, you always seem to whisk right in and take over my frame of thought. 

Before I have time to really process with you, you've created such a heaping web of lies that I'm too naive to
realize what is true. 

So I try to decipher each strand, but instead, I find I only compare one strand to the other, and it only gets me further away from the truth. 

You can be quite the charmer, knowing just what to say to get me to believe you are wise before I realize you were never truly on my side. 

You speak about protecting me, keeping me safe from the judgements of others, but instead you have me go against myself. 

Every time I tell you to leave, to be gone for good, you come back as though it would be a disservice to me if you left. 

Sometimes we argue enough and you pretend to leave for good. But then you realize you miss me, so you come back again. 

You tell me you have no where else to go and that you'll try to get better for me. 

But by better, you mean better at convincing me to folly. 

It seems I have this love and hate relationship with you. 

Sometimes love, because I think you mean well to protect me from being unrealistic. 

But then I mostly hate you, because you create too many negative "what ifs" that sound too true to be wrong. 

Therefore I think we should stop seeing each other. 

I realize this may take some time, but I'm hoping that over time I will be less inclined to be so easily influenced by you. 

I need to give my thoughts to someone else, someone who will treat them with more tenderness and grace. 

I know... perhaps you are right, maybe what I'm looking for really doesn't exist. 

- Esther

If you are like me, perhaps you struggle with doubt more than you really wish to admit. Sometimes I find doubt to be more loud of a figure, especially because I am naturally an introvert. Although there are many things I enjoy about being an introvert, I wish I was a bit more extroverted in my dealings with doubt. Some days I really am good about deciphering truth from lies. But other days I can talk myself into so many scenarios, or what I think are "various perspectives" to try and decipher what is wise and what is not. I think this is a true struggle in the Christian faith. We might meditate on versus such as Colossians 3:2, which says to "Set your minds on things above..." or Philippians 4:8, which says "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Although we know these words to be truth, it is so easy for our doubt to go to battle with those truths. But I think it is because we have become so easily persuaded to spend more time working through our doubts than surrounding them with the truths of how God sees us.

The other day I read an article on getting rid of all the noises that can distract us. Doubt paired with a lot of comparison equals one long self-denial, low self-image drawl that is rather pathetic and not necessary. But it doesn't seem pathetic at first. Doubt usually comes with the tag, "Made with 100% protection guaranteed". Any time something is a 100% guaranteed it must be reliable, right? So we buy into it. I buy into doubt more than I'd like to admit. It is very convincing in telling me it can protect me from failure or from getting hurt. So how do we stop buying into it and quit placing too much of our hope into it?

1. Begin to intentionally replace thoughts of doubt with thoughts that are true. These thoughts can be Scripture and they can be truthful things people who care about you have told you. By spending more time thinking on good things, we spend less time dwelling in thoughts of doubt. Over time, we can then begin to create more of a habit to think firstly on what is true than on what is not.

2. Surround yourself with people who support you and care about you, preferably those who tend to be more positive and empathetic. People who are positive and empathetic are easier to trust, because they provide a safe and caring environment. They're able to see your struggle and they know how to feed your spirit things that are true about who you are.

3. Surrender your thoughts daily to God and trust Him for strength and wisdom. This is most important to me. As a believer, I know God is ultimately on my side and desires to watch over me. By surrendering my thoughts to him daily, I am trusting in His unconditional love for me.

Do you tend to struggle with doubt? What have you found to be helpful in overcoming it? 


  1. I can relate to this so much. And I have actually just written a post about how the sun, a walk outside, the sea, the river, whatever, helps me to gain perspective. And I absolutely agree on surrounding yourself with people who know your qualities and support who you are. I also find it helpful to find people with similar struggles, talking to (or just reading about them) makes you realise that you are not alone. In this spirit: You are a wonderful person! Stay positive :)

    1. I really like that. I agree that finding people who have similar struggles helps to normalize the way we may be processing through things and also lets us know we are not alone in our struggle. I think we also tend to be better at speaking truth into the struggles others may have, without realizing we should be applying it to our own life. At least I find myself doing that. :)